The ice Cubed Solution (ICS3). A scholarly paper presented by Karl Rabe, Director MISSHOF.
Karl provides proof regarding the association between stone skipping and global warming and offers a patent pending solution to save both Stone Skipping and the planet.
The Ice Cubed Solution
2012 All rights reserved
Skippers, Gerplunkers, friends and family, it is with a heavy heart that I stand before you today to raise an issue of the utmost importance, not just to our beloved sport, but to our very existence on this planet. I shall present irrefutable datum that even the most naive among us will surely agree can lead to only one conclusion. And to those that remain skeptics I invoke the Precautionary Principle and urge you that uncertainty is not a reason for inaction.
Think back now to 1932 when the Great Commander stood poised on the chilly shores at Point aux Pin. Sporting a military tie tuck, he surveyed the flounder flat Straights before hurling his epic cast of eleven plinks and 6 pitty-pats. Now Fast forward 75 years to 2007 where Rock Bottom Byars perspires in a “Skips Stones for Fudge” tee-shirt on the shores of the Allegheny as he hurls a record setting 51. Perspires I say, because the global mean temperature has risen over half a degree in those 75 years correlating directly with the skip differential of 34 (51 minus 17), or 0.453 Skip/Years with a corresponding .65 degree global temperature anomaly.
Yes, there is an undeniable and direct correlation between the stone skipping world record and global warming!
Figure 1 depicts a time graph of the stone skipping world records coaxial with the Global Temperature Anomaly compiled by the Goddard Institute for Space Studies. Note the direct increase in global warming corresponding to each new world record.
How can this be? In Figure 2 you can see a complex illustration of the eco-human-thermodynamicsTM of stone skipping. As the human prepares for a cast, in accordance with the second law of thermodynamics, his regulated body temperature of 98.6 DegF transfers to the lower temperature of the unhurled skipping stone. This heat is then in turn transferred to the aquatic skipping medium and then again to the earth’s core, warming the entire planet and thus incrementally contributing to global warming.
If the problem is clear, what is the solution. Fear not, for I have a proposal to put forward that can not only mitigate this disturbing trend, but in fact can reverse global warming itself. Yes, stone skipping can be the solution to global warming. I will soon be sharing my proposal with the Subsidiary Board of Scientific and Technological Advice (SBSTA), with a recommendation that they carry it forward to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) in 2013.
What is the solution? The technical term is ICS3 (pronounced I-C-S-Three) or The Ice Cubed Solution. ICS3 has the potential to change the world forever. While exceedingly complex, I shall try and explain in layman’s terms. As illustrated in Figure 3, if a stone skipper is to imbibe in a chilled beverage for 15 minutes prior to casting, and said beverage is secured in the Skipper’s dominant stone skipping hand, the reduced temperature differential will be transferred to the skipping stone thus in turn resulting in a temperature decrease of the earth’s core, instead of a temperature increase.
Table 1 illustrates recommended beverages and their related cooling capabilities. In order to effectively educate the lay person a simplified ICS3 factor has been derived from empirical data to rate each beverage on a scale from one to ten, with ten bearing the optimal heat removal characteristics based on alcohol content, concentration and traditional serving vessel construction.
|Beverage||Alcohol Concentration||ICS3 Factor|
|Scotch on the Rocks1||47.0%||9|
|Scotch and Water||13.3%||3|
|Canadian Club on the Rocks**||47.0%||9|
|Vodka Martini on the Rocks||47.3%||9|
|Gin Martini on the Rocks (Extra Dry)||37.3%||8|
|Martini – Up||37.3%||Not Recommended|
|Vodka on the Rocks||47.5%||10|
|Beer3||4.6%||Recommended with Reservations|
|Carbonated Soft Drink||0%||Not Recommended|
|Fruit Juice||0%||Not Recommended|
1. Single malt recommended.
2. Recommended to drink out of a sterling silver goblet for maximum heat transfer.
3. Recommended with reservations. Only effective if chilled to 32 DegF
** Signature drink of ICS3 known as “CC+ on the Rocks” or (Positive) Climate Change on the Rocks.
Further opportunity exists to educate skippers through a marketing campaign. Figure 4 illustrates a variety of marketing slogans as well as educational drinkware labeled “Please Skip Responsibly”. Rocks on the Rocks will soon be heard across the nation.
I believe that the 2013 United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change will not only be the 38th sessions of the Subsidiary Body for Implementation (SBI), but that it will also be the inaugural session of the ISC3 Working Session on Stone Skipping as Counteractive Climate Change. I is my hope that one day, ISC3 will be uttered in the same carbon dioxide filled breath as The Kyoto Protocol and The Berlin Mandate.